Stress Free Evening Routine for Kids with ADHD or Autism: 6 Easy Steps
Susie Sibly 
Create calm, consistent bedtime routines for kids with ADHD & autism, 6 steps to make evenings stress-free, improving sleep & reducing anxiety.
Managing bedtime for our children with ADHD or autism can be challenging, but it doesn't have to be a nightly battle. Establishing a calm and consistent evening routine helps you to transform bedtime into a peaceful, enjoyable experience for both you and your child. Here are six steps to a happier, stress-free bedtime routine.
1. Creating a Consistent Bedtime
A key element of a successful bedtime routine is consistency. Now that doesn't mean your child must be asleep at precisely 7:02 PM every night, it does involve creating a predictable series of steps that help your child wind down and prepare for sleep.
Importance of a Fixed Bedtime Routine
- Regulates your child's internal clock: A consistent routine helps synchronize your child's internal clock, making it easier for them to fall asleep and wake up at the same time each day. This reduces their anxieties and helps your child become more self regulated and able to handle the challenges of their day.
- Ensures sufficient sleep: With a fixed bedtime, your child gets the amount of sleep they need, leading to a happier, more refreshed child in the morning. We know our kids need more sleep to help them cope with the day. But sadly, the reality is that our kids just struggle to have that good, deep, REM, sleep. Once they have enough sleep they become less grumpy and able to cope better with the bumps in their day.
- Minimizes morning struggles: A predictable bedtime helps your child wake up at a similar time daily without feeling grumpy. No one likes a sleep deprived child! The tears flow so easy, they are so very emotional and you can't even look at them without causing an argument! Take away those morning struggles and help your child to self regulate without being heightened. Suddenly, you have your delightful child back. It is worth the sacrifice of developing a bedtime routine.
Using Visual Schedules
To help your child follow the bedtime routine, consider using visual schedules. You know how much I love using visuals! These can be simple charts placed on the wall that outline the steps leading up to bedtime. Visual schedules provide clarity and help your child understand what comes next, reducing anxiety and resistance. The added bonus with visuals is that it empowers your child to become more independent. It gives them added confidence that they can follow the routine on their own - without you needing to nag them every 5 mins!
2. Developing a Wind Down Routine
Once you have established a consistent bedtime, the next step is to develop a calming wind down routine. This routine should consist of activities that signal to your child that bedtime is approaching. The importance of a bedtime routine is consistency - it is all about predicting what comes next and signalling the safety of routine. When you include wind down activities into your neurodivergent child's nightly routine, they process that their body needs to slow down and prepare for bed. This is such a powerful way for their brain to slow down!
Series of Calm Activities
Some effective wind down activities for our special needs kids include:
- Warm bath: A relaxing bath can help soothe your child and prepare them for sleep. It slows their body down and helps their muscles and brain, switch to a more gentle pace. You can even add some lavender to their bath water!
- Reading a story: Choose calming stories to read together. This quiet activity can become a cherished bedtime ritual. Do you remember reading on your bed with your parents? It is such a special moment to share together. Discovering the adventures in the book and journeying through the story is a wonderful way to connect, calm down and include into your autistic child's bedtime routine.
- Listening to soothing music: Soft, tranquil music can help create a peaceful atmosphere. Sometimes our kids with ADHD need extra help to slow down. Having music that is calming and with a regulated slower beat, definitely adds to their ability to slow their mind down and allow their bodies to relax and reset.
- Cuddle in bed: Spending a few minutes cuddling can provide the comfort and security your child needs. These are such special moments that you will cherish with you child. You child with autism may not be cuddly, but may feel safe lying next to you. The sheer trust that your child has with you being their safe person, will melt your heart! Please take these moments and enjoy them - because they happen for such a small amount of time.
Tailoring Activities to Your Child
It's important to choose activities that specifically help your child relax. The wind down routine should start 30-60 minutes before bedtime, transitioning your child from the day’s busyness to a state of calm and readiness for sleep. Remember you know your child best and you could plan these activities together. "Sarah, what things help your body to calm down that we can pop into your bedtime routine?" This is so empowering for your child to have a voice and inclusion in their routines.
3. Limiting Screen Time Before Bed
I know - you don't want to read this! BUT, whilst it can be tough to limit screen time, it’s crucial for promoting better sleep. Try to stop screen time at least an hour before the bedtime routine begins. Finding other alternatives to screens for your child with autism and ADHD during this time are possible!
Reducing Blue Light Exposure
Exposure to blue light from screens can interfere with the production of melatonin (that's the natural hormone that helps your child fall asleep). By reducing screen time:
- Promotes natural melatonin production: Less blue light exposure means better melatonin regulation, aiding in easier sleep onset.
- Encourages alternative calming activities: Using this time for non-screen activities can help your neurodivergent child wind down more effectively.
Overcoming Initial Resistance
You may face resistance when first implementing this change, but with persistence, you can establish a routine that doesn't involve screen time right before bed. This adjustment will pay off with improved sleep quality for your child. Try including your child when planning this and let them have a voice into what works for them. Work through the resistance and try to remain calm. Remember this is a long term strategy and it won't happen overnight.
4. Creating a Comfortable Sleep Environment
Setting up your child’s sleep environment plays a significant role in how well they sleep. Address the various elements that contribute to comfort and relaxation.
Catering to Your Child’s Preferences
Every child is unique, and their preferences for a sleep environment will vary:
- Room temperature: Some children prefer cool rooms, while others might like it warm and snug.
- Lighting conditions: Determine whether your child prefers some light, such as a nightlight, or complete darkness.
- Noise levels: Consider using a white noise machine if your child is sensitive to noise or prefers a constant background sound.
Ensuring Safety and Relaxation
Make sure the bed is comfortable and the room feels safe. Adjust any aspects of their environment to suit their needs, whether it’s rearranging furniture, changing bedding, or altering the room’s lighting. A well-settled room can make your child look forward to bedtime.
5. Using Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool in encouraging your child to follow the bedtime routine and feel good about their achievements.
Encouraging and Rewarding Effort
By acknowledging and praising your child's efforts, you can boost their confidence and willingness to follow the routine:
- Sticker charts: Reward your child with stickers for completing each step of the routine.
- Verbal praise: Simple words of encouragement can go a long way. “Great job brushing your teeth, James!” or “I love how you got into bed without fussing, Emily!”
Reducing Stress and Anxiety
Positive reinforcement not only promotes adherence to the routine but also reduces stress and anxiety. When your child knows they are doing well and are appreciated for their efforts, they are more likely to continue following the routine without resistance.
6. Preparing for the Next Day
Including preparations for the next day as part of the evening routine can make your mornings smoother and less rushed.
Next-Day Preparation Activities
Involve your child in simple tasks that help them get ready for the next day:
- Laying out clothes: Let your child pick out their outfit for the next day.
- Packing school bags: Have them gather the items they need for school and place them in their backpack.
- Setting up breakfast items: Arrange non-perishable items for breakfast, such as cereal and bowls.
Creating Checklists
A checklist can be a handy tool for both you and your child. It visually outlines the necessary tasks and helps your child take responsibility and feel a sense of accomplishment.
Implementing these six steps can create a peaceful, stress-free evening routine for your child and yourself. Your child will look forward to bedtime and wake up happier, ready for the day ahead with the restful sleep they need.
My Final Thoughts
If you'd like to share your evening routine tips in the comments below, we'd love to read them. Your strategies might help another family too. Mention the word "bedtime" for a checklist to get started on your routine. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes!
Remember - you are doing an amazing job!
Take care,
