Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps

Inside: Stop the screaming, apply these 4 steps to have a better day at home with your child when they’re being defiant & giving you attitude.

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps

Stop the screaming and apply these 4 steps to have a better day at home with your child when they’re being defiant & giving you attitude.

Firstly, stop trying to fix your child's behavior when they are angry and giving you a hard time.

Take a breath and just stop.

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Stop

In the heat of the moment it is so easy to say things we regret.
To criticise and put our children down when they are displaying poor behaviour.⁣

⁣Don't focus on the negative.
This just puts our attention in the wrong place.
And it always ends in a power struggle.
This results in a no win situation for all.⁣

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Angel

Instead change your perspective.
And watch how your child's attitude starts to change! ⁣


Step 1: Catch the Good Behavior

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Catch Good Behavior

Notice the moments in the day when your child is doing things right.Focus on those good moments when you catch them and comment straight away."Amy, I like the way you are colouring in the lines, thanks so much for trying so hard."


Don't wait to praise them, it is in the moments of good behavior that you need to acknowledge your child. 
This helps them to immediately identify what behavior you are praising, so they strive to do it again!


Step 2: Mention the steps in the Process

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Mention the Process Steps

Find and mention those small steps when you see your child demonstrating behaviour you like. ⁣"Toby, I loved you kept reading, even though the baby was crying. I know this was really hard and I am so grateful for you understanding and keeping on trying."⁣
Let your child know that you see them, and what it is that they are doing well.
It doesn't have to be perfect, it has to be the effort - the process, not the outcome.
You want to mention and put your focus on the process your child is achieving. 
If all you comment on is the positive outcome, you set your child up to become a perfectionist, afraid of trying incase they don't get it right or perfect. 
When you are process focused, the outcome doesn't matter - it is the effort or the trying that you are praising

Step 3: Identify & Name the Quality

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Identify the Quality of Behavior

Make an effort to identify and name the quality that your child is showing."Sarah, you are trying so hard to work through that maths problem even though it is really tough. I love that you are giving it a go and showing persistence and resilience. I'm so proud of your effort."⁣
Naming the quality of the behavior teaches your child what it is they are doing. 
If you tell them you want their best effort, they may have no idea what you mean, and how to do their best effort. 
When you name the quality your child processes the quality, and adds it to their filing cabinet so they can show you again.



Step 4: Acknowledge the effort.

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Acknowledge the Effort

Always acknowledge the effort your child makes.
Make sure you comment on the strategies and improvements that your child has used.
⁣Let them know you see them trying. ⁣"Hey Johnny, I am so proud of you finishing your story, especially when you had so much to write. Great job!"
Regardless of the outcome, you are commenting on the way your child tried - it doesn't matter if it was successful or not!
This builds resilience in your child.
It creates a strategy where they are safe to risk take, and to try new things. 
It is so important in developing healthy children that are prepared to engage in life and learning, because the outcome is not the focus - it is the journey! 


Remember:

⁣It is the journey and not the outcome that you are working towards.

Help My Child Change their Behavior in 4 Steps Journey


When your tone changes so will your relationship with your child .
Resulting in a more pleasant day!

To discuss these tips and strategies in greater detail head over to The Journey where we unpack these ideas and many others, as we empower Moms with wisdom, support and community to help their child.

Take care,

Categories: : parenting, sensory, Autism, ADHD, SPD, ASD, social skills, wellbeing, life skills, meltdown, anxiety, behavior, behaviour, tantrum

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